A Quick Reference Guide to Preparing for a Divorce

Dickinson Wright Logo

It’s hard to dismantle and disentangle a shared life. Fear and anxiety about divorce, the legal process and personal transition, frequently keep people in marriages that are abusive, plagued by infidelity, or fraught with friction. If you reach the (sometimes startling) conclusion that your marriage may end, here are five things to consider in preparing for divorce.

1. Compile Documents. Collect your last three years’ tax returns, and the past six months’ credit card statements, bank account statements, medical care invoices, and business expense records. Also collect any prenuptial or post-marital agreements, wills, disclaimer deeds, and trust documents. Whether or not you were involved in managing family finances during the marriage, understanding the debts and assets involved in the divorce is critical for the proceedings and for your attorney’s understanding of the issues, and will empower you to make informed decisions.

2. Know When To Act Quickly. Divorces can be contentious, and some marriages are characterized by verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. Obtain an Order of Protection if you are threatened or fear for your safety or that of loved ones. If your spouse is excessively spending or incurring debts detrimental to the marriage, filing for divorce sooner rather than later can help you preserve resources needed during and after the divorce.

3. Consult With An Attorney. Consult with at least one family law attorney before filing for divorce. There is no substitute for an experienced family law attorney with expertise in dealing with the issues in your case. Additionally, there are immediate consequences to filing for a divorce, such as the issuance of a preliminary injunction that will prohibit you from removing funds from bank accounts, traveling with children out of state, and selling items or property, among other restrictions. Knowing the process before you begin can help you plan.

4. Understand the Alternatives. There are alternatives to divorce that may better suit your situation, including legal separation and conciliation services. Consulting with a family lawyer can help you make the best decision for your circumstances.

5. Talk to Your Kids. Spouses who are parents must also address a tough question: how to tell the kids? Children may experience anxiety or blame themselves if parents fail to communicate. When appropriate, work with your spouse or third-party counselor in developing a plan to discuss the situation with your children.

Article By:

 of

6 Ways Your Marriage Problems Might Be Like The Fiscal Cliff

Rebecca L. Palmer with Lowndes, Drosdick, Doster, Kantor & Reed, P.A. recently had an article, 6 Ways Your Marriage Problems Might Be Like The Fiscal Cliff, featured in The National Law Review:

Lowndes_logo

It’s been hard to avoid all the talk about the economic “Fiscal Cliff” over the past few months. Going over this cliff means a combination of higher taxes for everyone, cutting vital programs, and the continued deficit funding of expensive entitlements.

Going over the cliff, the analysts say, spells economic disaster.

We often play this same “fast and loose” game with our marriages. We tax the relationship, we cut important programs, and we cheapen spontaneity, love, and generosity by acting like we’re entitled.

As a result, we go over the marriage cliff. We make a wreck of a good thing, and we can even leave the entire relationship broken and in pieces at the bottom. Here are 6 things the fiscal cliff and your marriage cliff have in common:

The entire scenario is avoidable from the get-go:

Elected representatives swear an oath to work on behalf of the people, and married couples promise to put one another first. Revisiting our vows and following through on our promises not only strengthens the relationship, but it avoids the free-fall of schism.

We empty the bank faster than we put capital in:

Both the country and our relationships tend to practice deficit spending. Rather than investing and stocking up emotional capital in terms of kindness, encouragement, love, gentleness, self-sacrifice and self-control, we keep the balance at zero or less via selfishness, unkindness, thoughtlessness, and more.

We cut vital programs:

When was the last time you took your wife on a date? “How to Reinvent Date Night” Don’t cut this, it’s a vital program! Ditto bringing her flowers! When did you last make sure she knew how much you appreciated her? How often do you say, “I love you” during the day? These are all important programs. Cut them, and the slippery slope to the edge of the cliff gets a little steeper every time.

Both parties value themselves more than the relationship:

The idea of government is to work together for the common good. The idea of marriage is to pool our resources and value the relationship ahead of our own agenda. Unfortunately, just like many politicians, we often forget the big picture. Sometimes we even knowingly steer over the cliff just to prove a point. Read more here: 10 Ways to Love Your Wife for Life.

We put our feet on the coffee table, turn on the TV, snap our fingers, and put our hand out for a drink:

Not only that, but we expect sex without offering affection, we leave our dirty laundry on the floor, we act offended if our laundry’s not ironed the next day, we forget to thank our wife for cooking our favorite meal, and we act entitled in so many ways. We forget that marriage is a covenant. A covenant requires all parties involved to nurture the relationship.

The solution lies in sacrifice more than it does in victory:

When we insist on winning, we also insist that someone else lose. When that happens, everyone tends to lose. But when we work for the other person to win, it seems like no one has to lose a thing. Self-sacrificial love is win-win.

© Lowndes, Drosdick, Doster, Kantor & Reed, PA

Final Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) Military Leave Regulations Issued

The National Law Review recently published an article by John A. Vering, IIIShelley I. Ericsson, and Michael B. Kass with Armstrong Teasdale regarding FMLA Military Leave:

ArmstrongTeasdale logo

 

The Department of Labor (DOL) recently issued final regulations addressing an amendment to the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) that requires employers covered by the FMLA to provide certain types of military-related leave. The regulations, which will take effect on March 8, 2013, determine how the provisions  are to be interpreted and implemented. The DOL’s new regulations will require employers to update their FMLA policies, posters and forms and, among other things, change the way they administer family leave for servicemembers caregivers and employees with family members in the military. The text of the Final Rule can be found here: www.dol.gov/WHD/FMLA/2013rule/.

A brief overview of some of the changes in this Final Rule is set forth below. Please take specific note of the new FMLA poster requirement and new forms near the end of this Alert.

Qualifying Exigency Leave

The Final Rule revises regulations dealing with qualifying exigency leave to (a) include eligible employees with family members serving in the regular armed forces in a foreign country; (b) more clearly define what constitutes a qualifying exigency and adds a new qualifying exigency for parental care; and (c) increase the length of time an eligible family member may take for qualifying exigency leave for rest and recuperation from five days up to a maximum of 15 days.

Military Caregiver Leave

With respect to military caregiver leave, the new Rule: (a) specifically defines what conditions constitute a serious injury of illness for a current member of the Armed Forces or a covered veteran, and expands that definition; (b) defines who is a covered veteran; and (c) allows private physicians, outside the military healthcare system, to certify a serious injury or illness, but allows employers to request a second or third opinion if the employer questions the certification of one of these private physicians.

Calculation of Intermittent or Reduced Schedule Leave

The Final Rule also clarifies the calculation of intermittent leave for FMLA purposes to make clear that an employer cannot require that intermittent FMLA leave be taken in increments longer than the shortest period of time that the employer uses to account for use of other forms of leave provided that it is not greater than one hour and provided further that FMLA leave entitlement may not be reduced by more than the amount of leave actually taken.

New FMLA Poster and New Forms Required

The DOL is requiring a new FMLA poster and use of new FMLA forms effective March 8, 2013. A copy of the poster can be found on the DOL’s website and downloaded atwww.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/posters/fmla.htm. DOL has also created at least one new form and revised other key forms (the new form is WH-385-V, and the revised forms include WH-381, WH-384, and WH-385). The following FMLA forms can now be found on the internet atwww.dol.gov/whd/fmla/2013rule/militaryForms.htm:

 Conclusion

The FMLA generally applies to employers who have at least 50 employees within a 75-mile radius of a single site of employment. If the FMLA applies to your company, in light of these new regulations, you will want to review and likely revise your written FMLA policies and ensure your compliance going forward.

© Copyright 2013 Armstrong Teasdale LLP